Girls of a certain age

It’s so much fun being a girl sometimes. We get to wear pretty clothes and shoes, we get to play with makeup and do our hair. Whenever I do something weird or what Andre might find annoying, I quickly say “it’s a girl thing” and that usually ends the conversation and all weird actions are justified. Including sitting on the sink with a magnifying mirror to examine each and every pore and scrutinize every fine line that wasn’t there the day before.

It also kinda sucks being a chick sometimes. The cramps, finding shoes that don’t kill your feet but still look cute, finding jeans that don’t give you that weird mom ass, the constant over analyzing (maybe that’s just me) and the pressure to look good and do everything well all at the same time because you’re a woman and naturally, you should excel at everything or else you might be a failure.

The other time it also sucks to be a girl is when you reach a certain age. That age is anywhere between 25 and over when you don’t have kids. When most of your girlfriends are settling down with either marriage or babies or a combo of both, it’s only natural for people to start asking you when it will be your turn. Especially when you are showing zero interest in following the crowd.

“Oh! Don’t worry! You’ll change your mind!” That sentence has been uttered to me more times than I can count. I never really say anything after because I’m too busy trying not to punch you in the face. Seriously. There’s a good reason why I get so worked up about this particular subject, trust me.
Having children is not just a lifestyle but it’s also a decision to change the lives of many. Not just the ones having the kid. It’s also a lifestyle that isn’t for everyone regardless of the fact that their vagina is in fully working order.
I once made the unfortunate mistake many years ago and asked an acquaintance about when she planned on having kids in a room full of moms and moms to be and her response changed the way I saw the entire conversation to this day. “I want a child more than anything but my body just won’t allow it.” I felt like a total asshole. Here I am sitting next to a girl about my age, in a long term relationship, perfectly healthy looking, asking her about when she wants to have kids and she tells me what might have been something incredibly personal and she chose to bear her secret and her heart ache with me, whom she barely knew. Right at that very second, it hit me. Why do we, as women, ask such a personal question in the most nonchalant manner? Who am I to assume you are fully capable of carrying a child or to assume your spouse or partner is able to provide that for you as well? Do you assume because I look healthy and have a vagina and I’m over 25 I should just automatically want one or have one already because everyone else seems to be?

This is not in my future.

This is not in my future.

I realize how lucky I am. I am healthy and could have a child if I pleased. I realize how lucky I am because so many women in this world would do anything to be able to carry a child and here I am with absolutely no desire to have that lifestyle.

When you openly admit that having kids may not be for you, it’s as if you have committed the most heinous of crimes. People always seem to say the same things like don’t worry that will change or you will eventually, never say never! But why is that? Is it because from the time we ourselves are babies, we are given toys of babies to burp, play with and change? Given mini strollers to push around the house with your plastic baby to take care of? Have I been groomed to have a baby all along and there’s something wrong with me? I don’t coo over babies or stare longingly at little tiny clothes and yearn for the midnight feedings and losing sleep. Having a baby isn’t for everyone, let’s face it! There is no trial and you can’t just quit it like a dead end job.

My thought is this: In a world where we seem to be open about everything and anything and willing to share details on social media outlets of almost every aspect of our lives, why are we not open to women who are willing to say “this just isn’t for me” and question them like prisoners? Why is someone’s preference on how they want to spend their lives so questionable because she’s a woman of a certain age? I feel like as women, we are all on the same team at the end of the day and the only other person that knows how hard it is to be a woman, is really another woman.

Maybe the next time before you ask someone about when they are planning on having kids, my unfortunate moment might or might not pop into your head. But regardless of what someone’s answer is, just remember, having kids is a choice and no matter what someone’s choice is, as women, we should support one another.